Stick-to-itiveness: The Power of Pushing Past Disappointment and Building Lasting Change

If we’re honest, stick-to-itiveness—that steady, dependable, grit-filled ability to follow-through on our intentions—is something we all struggle with. That’s right. You’re certainly not alone in finding new things tough to stick to, especially anything good for you. Even the most successful people deal with the same roadblocks you do. Call it a universal human experience!

The fact of the matter is, sticking to goals, new routines, and positive intentions really do feel like an uphill battle for most people. Why? Because, at our core, we’re creatures of habit and we’re naturally wired to keep things as they are. Our brains have evolved to look out for potential threats and risks, a negativity bias that was very useful for our ancestors but is a bit outdated in our modern lives.

This negativity bias is why we tend to remember the one piece of critical feedback over the ten pieces of praise. So if we’re wired to see the worst, you can understand why a single setback often feels like this big disappointment, and leads to discouragement. Add to this the natural human tendency to catastrophize—to assume that one failed attempt at a new habit means we’re bound to fail again and again—and it’s clear why stick-to-itiveness takes work.

But here’s the great part: once we become aware of these built-in mental roadblocks, we can start working around them. We can learn how to build resilience against the inevitable setbacks and tap into practical ways to cultivate our own stick-to-itiveness.

Here are some things you can do to retrain your brain for consistency.

Challenge Your Negativity Bias

First things first: negativity bias is a real part of our psychology. When we try something new—like starting a walking habit or practicing mindfulness—our brain’s default is usually to look for reasons it’s too hard, impractical, or “just not for us.” We tend to focus on what went wrong in our last attempt, even if we had small victories along the way.

The key is to actively remind yourself of the positives, which takes practice. This means celebrating small wins—and sometimes even forcing them. For example, when I don’t feel like going to the gym or out for a walk, I tell myself, “I’ll just go for 10 minutes, and if I still feel lousy, I’ll stop.” Almost always, I end up feeling better—thanks, endorphins! Small steps like this help break old thought patterns, proving to yourself that you can stick to things. Just as giving up repeatedly reinforces a failure mindset, consistently short-circuiting negative thoughts with positive actions builds success, retraining your brain and boosting your confidence.

Embrace Setbacks as Part of the Process

Stick-to-itiveness gets a whole lot easier when we shift our mindset around failure and setbacks. Our natural tendency to see failures as “the end” can be one of our biggest obstacles to consistency. But when we start seeing setbacks as part of the process—not as roadblocks but as stepping stones—we become more resilient. This perspective shift is essential for building habits that actually stick.

Think about it: almost nothing you do well now came easily the first time. Remember learning to drive? It was awkward, uncomfortable, maybe even terrifying at times. But something made you keep going—maybe the idea of being the only teen without a license? Whatever the motivation, you stuck with it. It’s a powerful reminder that many things we now do well only came with practice and perseverance.

Practice Failing Upward

Another game-changer for handling setbacks is the idea of “failing upward.” Failing upward means that failure isn’t the end—it’s a chance to learn and grow. When you’re in the thick of a setback, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself questions like: How is this part of a pattern I’m trying to break? What specific factors led to this setback? What can I learn from it that will help me next time? Why am I doing this in the first place? Dig a little deeper, too. Was my goal realistic, or should I start smaller? What did work, and what didn’t? Was it the time of day, or was I missing something I needed? Who can I reach out to for support to make the next time better or what can I try next time that would definitely help me?

Start Small

Here’s the thing about stick-to-itiveness: it’s built one small, consistent step at a time. Big goals can feel overwhelming, and the urge for instant results is strong, but lasting change happens incrementally. When you’re starting a new habit, having a clear plan helps—it helps when we break down the process: How do you start? What’s the next stage? How will you build momentum and maintain your commitment through various scenarios and experiences?

You’ve probably learned the hard way that jumping straight to level 10 when you start something new leads to burnout. So, stop that! The secret to lasting change isn’t giant leaps but a progressive approach, and starting small is the first step in that approach. Research shows that our brains are wired for small wins anyway. Starting small triggers neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to rewire itself based on new experiences. As you commit to manageable actions, your brain links those actions with positive results, reinforcing your new habit. By starting small, you’re not only building stick-to-itiveness, you’re rewiring your brain and being strategic (smart) in your approach to your new goal.

Harness the Power of Social Support

We’re social creatures by nature, and tapping into that connection can supercharge our stick-to-itiveness. Whether it's setting up a walking club with coworkers, finding a mindfulness buddy, or joining an accountability group, having others involved in your goals creates a support network that can greatly help to keep you on track.

The beauty of social support is that when others are counting on you, you’re far more likely to follow through. Here’s the thing: we don’t like looking bad in front of others (sound familiar?). This is another psychological quirk that works in your favor. Social support acts like a positive form of peer pressure, motivating you to stick to your word. Plus, when your network is on the same path, you get a little extra push from friendly competition or the inspiration of seeing others in the trenches with you.

The Takeaway

Stick-to-itiveness might feel elusive, but it’s well within all of our reach, if we approach our efforts mindfully, strategically, and with a plan. You want to acknowledge your brain’s natural resistance and negativity bias, embrace setbacks as part of the learning curve, practice failing upward to learn from your failures and setbacks, take small steps, especially when you first start out, and connect with others for support. With these small shifts, you’re cultivating a mindset that’ll help you show up—one day at a time—and that’s where real, lasting change happens.